Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Up close, bubbles.
Nearby, a man in a Neanderthal-inspired bathing costume.
A concerned dog peers at you to see
if there's anything he can do. (Sit? Play dead? Really, anything at all.)
A gold light pours out over the distant hills.

When you don't even have the shirt that used to be on your back, all at once just having your body is beautiful. A bright, red wool sock is gorgeous because it reminds you of Christmastime and the Little House On A Prairie books. Your black-black party dress of raw silk is scrumptious because it makes you think of your Chinese boarding-school friend, Grace Chen, and her glossy hair and very neat dorm room. Your lost gray hoodie wasn't worth much, except that wearing it transported you to your younger, smooth-bodied track-team self who could easily run a six-minute mile as a warm up, barefoot.

Contingency Clothes
A dress that can take you anywhere at all: to work, to a party, or on a long walk along the highway's narrow shoulder. The multicolored canvas belt can be tightened beneath your breasts to emphasize their blousy fullness, or whipped off at a moment's notice to pull someone to safety.

The idea of work clothes, cocktail party dresses, and loungewear is so over. Look for outfits that allow for everything from typing to sprinting over uneven ground.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Antidote Clothes
When it's hot out and your jeans are cutting into your unfortunately bloated belly, and all the view around you is peasant skirts and cowboy boots and torn lace and other wardrobe/set pieces from a fiasco production of a pirate rock opera, sooth yourself with cranberry cotton (or another autumnal color), tiny earrings, patent leather, and this hairdo.

This is how incredibly, incredibly tired we are: That's not a dog, it's a police outline of a dog. The girl (in a plain old, 100% cotton nightgown--white, soft) is so tired that she's sleeping on the scene of some terrible crime involving her dog.

Monday, August 22, 2005

A Reader Asks:
"If you are falling in love and kind of freaked out about it and bummed to be stuck in new york city in august and not quite sure where your career is going and want to feel pretty and thin and confident like right now what should you wear?"

Jeepers Responds:
You should wear black capri pants. And strange, highly constructed shirts that make you smile. Add semi-precious gemstone jewelry, especially aquamarine. In our opinion, the hottest shoe for fall, which is just around the corner, is the wicked-witch-of the-west (meets WPA) ankle boots with small, skinny heel and laces or buttons. Get some soon.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

What is happening?

Ponches were dead in the air. They were oversold by someone. There was rash exuberance about ponchos in the head office. "They should sweep the nation," said an executive. "They'll fly off the shelves." But here in New York, we turned a cold eye on them where they hung--limp and obsequiously fringed, even sparkling. Most bought shirts instead, or light jackets.

SOOOO, what would be braver, funnier, and more wonderful, than to start sporting ponchos at the first hint of chill, this very fall, while the stink of ponchos' recent failure still hovers in the air.? Think macintoshed nun on her way to the orphanage to solve a mystery of parentage, rather than Indian princess astride pony.

Friday, August 19, 2005

If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. (Wear this when posting any comments to this site!)

Did you ever make fun of the Flashdance look? Don't you feel sheepish about ever poking fun, since this week, we all again see the sublime beauty and wisdom of combining the various charms of The Little Match Girl, an heiress on the run from revolutionaries, ballerinas at the barre, a punk rocker, and the woman who frankly just doesn't give a damn what you think about what she threw on this morning?

Reach your hand into your closet, pull out an armful of stuff you never wear anymore, and put it all on at once. It might look gorgeous.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Other Accessories To Try
Branch out! This is just the time of year when nobody cares what you do. (August 14 through August 21.)

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Gorgeous, cherry-red, semi-ecclesiastical stole wakes you up at home. Dress up for living-room yoga and similar luxuries in this paper-thin cotton tunic over drawstring trousers. Spine-tingling Chinese opera* plays in the next room. The babies are asleep and your man has a slight fever. Drink tea from a weird cup, something you would not normally use-- for instance, something chichi given to you as a gift.

*Italics and bold do not necessarily denote links, but instead are used for emphasis.

Do this tonight: Using the drawing program installed on your computer (Paint? Photoshop?), draw the face of an imaginary woman (Korean, I thought) and then decide that it looks just like you; next, replicate that portrait several times and use the resulting series of nearly identical drawings to try out hair styles.

Summer is dying, and fall is on the way, whatever the temp. In a nod to back-to-school nostalgia, wear a backpack instead of a purse. While it's still blazing, wear the most beautifully patterned cotton frocks possible, in apple yellow, late leaf green, ripest black plum, sky-blue. Put your hair up in alarmingly elaborate and sloppy do's, like when you were first allowed to brush it yourself.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Right now, pajamas are in.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

If you have ever:
1)worn your hair in pigtails as an adult
2)decided a certain blouse looks better backwards
3)worn a skirt on top of pants
4)worn Converse sneakers with a dress...

Then why not try an apron? For a whiff of Dutch milkmaid and a dash of chef, together with real-world practicality. People will wonder, "What is she doing?"

If you are a bride's maid told that you can wear "absolutely whatever you want" in a friend's early autumn wedding, wear this demure, high-necked, buttercup-yellow gown of raw silk, with a new pair of almost-matching, flat, kid-leather slippers.

It's time again for asymmetrical hair. It says higher math, courage, "I don't give a damn," couture, and "I have extra time." These are all things we want to say.

Update: Questions about "asymmetrical hair" are among the Top 6 Most Popular Questions on this site. See further discussion on the topic here.

Wear this today if you're very pregnant and living in New York City. Singlehandedly bring back the parasol. Forecasts say it will reach the high nineties this afternoon, but will feel like 110 degrees. If you are fifteen pounds overweight, pregnant, or sad, it might feel like 140 degrees.

Friday, August 12, 2005


Our little sister is to be married on that day. What should she wear?

Wear this on a rainy evening walk to the lending library.

Thin, stiff velvet, but with soft muslin lining. So elegant it excuses a ridiculous necklace of pink feathers and little twists of gold wire. (Please wear with utterly flat, blue suede boots.)