Friday, July 28, 2006

The Math on Synchronized Swimming

Dear Readers,

Please read our scholarly article on synchronized swimming. It's been posted on the best online sports magazine in the nation.

In other news, how are you doing? Are you surviving Jeepers recent absence from fashion advice? We will be back very soon, again answering your daily satorial questions, tossing off advice, and drawing cartoons that show you what we mean.

Until then, I am faithfully yours,

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Flat Chested and Fabulous

Dear Jeepers,

I have a small problem--really.  Why is it so hard for me to find clothes that balance out my pear shaped body?  I don't have a large booty, but in comparison with my small bust, I look bottom heavy.  How do I help disguise this--without breast augmentation?

 A Cup

Dear A Cup,

Show us a woman who can do a double back pike dismount off the balance beam, and we'll show you a woman with small breasts. Ballerninas are not stacked. Audrey Hepburn was not built like a brick house. So, you begin to see that you are in good company. Plus, everybody's just about had it with cleavage, after nearly two decades of overexposure.

Pear shapes have nothing to do with breast size anyhow; the shape is caused instead by narrow shoulders paired with wide hips (so cute, really!). When deciding what to wear, look to emphasize your sleek top: Think military, dancer, schoolgirl.

As a C-cup (sometimes D-cup), we envy you your figure. If we had a dime for every time we couldn't get a man to look us in the eye, every time a toddler lept hopefully into our arms, every time the dew glistened on our voluptuous mounds of flesh, distracting emergency services workers, we'd be rich.


Monday, July 03, 2006

Jeepers Is Back

Finally, we have Photoshop again. So our long, national nightmare is over. And perfect timing, too: It's hot, hot, hot, and people are flooding our mailbox with one question: What should we wear in this weather? Cotton capris or long shorts. The shoe color of the moment? Light brown, just slightly darker than your legs (so, the darker your legs, the darker the shoe). If you are chocolate brown or darker, wear a shoe slightly lighter than your legs.

Coming soon: What 2 wear on Broadway, bathingsuits for fat women, and dyeing your dog.