Too Sweet

Dear Jeepers:

I have a question. It's an urgent matter:

Somehow, over the past couple of years, I don't know how,
I apparently was seduced by the girly-feminine anthropologie-
type style. I opened my closet last night and was shocked
to realize how many floral prints were in there.
My wardrobe is so sweet, my teeth are melting. I wanted
to compost the lot of it.

Is there a way to nastify, or sophisticate (I mean as a verb),
or otherwise destabilize the femme around here without
throwing out all of my clothing, because I can't afford a
whole new wardrobe? Maybe there is a way to
take a porridge cotton sundress and make it not
so... you know? I do have a big, soft, dark leather bottega
tote bag, maybe that would offset the cuteness of these
things? How did this happen? Gack. Help.

Maybe I should chill out about the sundress. It's summer,
forgodsake. That's forgivable, right?

I could shave the ruffles off things, I suppose.

Repelled by myself,
Sleeper


Dear Sleeper,

Hmmm, we see what you mean. Well, here are a few ideas for getting
things under control:

1. Use shoes as antidote. Trashed, cheap black flats. Beat up
cowboy boots on bare legs. Nasty-sexy platform heels.

2. RIT dye. Dye your worst offenders black or dark blue.
Will turn out interesting. The patterns will show through slightly.

3. Swear like a Marine in those dresses. Say "goddamn" a lot.

4. Slowly begin to add more solids to your wardrobe. All it
takes is a few key pieces: A good, skinny black skirt; a few nice
white blouses, a good jacket...

Good luck, darling!

Jeepers