Ballroom Dances with Dogs

A little sketch.

Coming soon: ThreeAsFour jeans, sonograms, and at-home manicures.

For Halloween

A reader writes: The day of the dead is fast approaching and i have yet to come up with a decent/cute/fashionable/creative costume, so in lieu of hitting up the local wallmart, i've been racking my brain (and the internet) for some ideas. unfortunatly, i havn't had much luck. my only requirement being that i would like to wear it to school (art school to be exact... tones of pressure to be creative) and dont want to look dumpy. please help!

mer

Dear Mer,

Well, do not go to your fancy art school costume party dressed as a fat cell. Nor in any costume that requires a fake nose of any kind--neither clown nor Groucho Marx nor reindeer. Sexy witches are irritating to all other women, and not a good showcase of your creativity.

Here are two ideas: either go dressed in your normal clothes and, when asked what you're dressed as, say things like "Marilyn Monroe," or "Attorney General Gonzalez." Or, go dressed as Ariel, the Little Mermaid, after the spell has turned her tail into legs. Wear a beautiful, long wig, sparkles on your face, a breast-bearing, ocean-inspired top, and jeans.

The last time we wore a Halloween costume was some ten years ago. We bought a very realistic, Statue of Liberty mask, donned a toga, and tromped through the cold, crowded streets of Baltimore with several friends who were dressed as mimes--with white gloves, white-painted faces, striped shirts, and bowler hats. Frat boys taunted us from the opposite sidewalk with calls of "Mimes suck!" and we arrived at our party so late that by the time we walked through the door, a handful of stragglers sat slumped on the sofa, their costumes in disarray, watching a football game on TV.

Have a wonderful time!

Yrs,
Jeepers

New Medium

Wear this chalk-drawn dress to the casual wedding reception party of two friends who have lived together for nearly a decade.

Coming soon: what a husband should wear to a sonogram, fast food uniforms, must-have shoes, why red lipstick matters, and how to be truly good.

Pants for a Reverend

A reader writes: I am 51 years old, female, married, mother of one-freshman in college. I have no style anymore. Correction. I never had any style. I want one now. Or, I want my regular style but for 2006, not 1976. I do like that 70’s show. Can I wear my daughter’s pants that she left at home because they are too big for her? J Crew “10 reg. favorite fit” Bottoms are flared. They feel great. Not too low, but at least not as high as Land’s End. At my age, and at this dropped waist, can I wear a wide belt? My shoes look like pencils at the bottom of these pant legs. I have narrow feet and can’t find shoes that fit and look in style at the same time. Should I be looking for something chunky? Boot? Who sells boots in narrow sizes?

Signed,
Rev. Ann

Dear Rev. Ann,

The most important line in your letter: "They feel great." The cutest line in your letter: "Should I be looking for something chunky?"

We could eat you!

Yes, you should wear your daughter's jeans. Yes, you could wear a wide belt with them, although it might not be exactly slimming. Yes, we know who sells boots in narrow sizes! (Our grandmother wears size 11 slim, which is even narrower than narrow!) Her feet are so narrow she can wear hair barrettes as slippers.

Here are some other tips for rediscovering, or discovering for the first time, your style:

1) Rethink your hair. If it's like most 51-year-old women's hair, it's short and utilitarian. Consider growing it out a bit and either smoothing it down or fluffing it up. If you wear your hair in a bun, consider cutting it so it's just at or below your shoulders. Wear it down sometimes.

2) Wear blush and lip stain/lipstick. A bit of color on your cheeks can transform you (it's not just for Unitarians anymore).

3)Remember, Susan Sarandon (60 this month), is old enough to be your mother.

4) Get your hands on some more pants and jeans that "feel great," especially slim pants with a slim leg.

5) Read fashion magazines and start cutting out photographs you find beautiful. Meditate on the looks. What do you like about them?

We must dash off to work now, but may continue this discussion later. Until then,

God bless you,
Jeepers

Hiatus Interruptus

Hello. Please excuse our recent absence. We've been playing tennis, competitively. There's a tennis coach (Jan, pronounced "Yawn"), and clay courts beneath a domed roof, and ice packs to apply to ankles, and lots of vitamins to take in between matches, and then just the reading--the vast amount of reading required to really improve one's game.

After a hiatus, we always find that we have no idea what to say about fashion. Here is a sketch (above). For what it's worth, note the scrunched up sleeves of the jacket, the red purse, the woman with stockings but no shoes (hot!).

Coming soon: Homeschool yourself...what to wear in the forest...and the latest/greatest mittens.