Fashion Psychic

Dear Jeepers:
As a freelancer, I get paid every once in a blue moon, but man do I get paid! I just got a check for $37,000.

Since I know I'll have blown this wad of cash in about three months time, I better buy clothes now for all the forseeable future. What's going to be hot in 2046? Can you look into your crystal ball? Because I probably won't get another check before then.

Thanks!

-Isabelle Franklin


Dear Isabelle:

We don't need a crystal ball to know what's going to be in vogue forty years from today. We need only apply basic principles of science to accurately predict that, in forty years, some of the things most odious to us today will at last come back into favor (and thank goodness, really): long twirly mustaches, saris and tunics, pointy shoes, van dyke beards, solid coiffs, bell sleeves, and nose rings.

Within forty years, men will once and for all admit they need purses. Cellulite will be considered adorable (so womanly!) and will again be referred to as "dimples." The well-manicured hand will be seen as a sign you have too much money and not enough worthy pursuits. Dogs will be bred so small they can fit easily into the pocket of your Eight jeans.

We will travel by rail and astral projection. The Democratic party will have been replaced by the Whigs. We will be nearing our 29th birthday.

yrs,
J

P.S. $37,000? When you say "freelancer," do you mean "hit man?"