We found this email, from Aunt Toddy, in our inbox: "I need advice on what to wear to Kate's wedding. Length of dress,
measure of formality (dressiness)....things like that.
"Sunday-go-to-meetin'? Cocktail-ish or tea length?
Garden-party-esque? Long and formal (doubtful)? Hat/no hat? Etc.
Etc. I suppose I should have posed this question on What to Wear This
Very Minute, but I'm not sure my question would have been treated with
the required seriousness and aplomb that is required..... However, I
would have been treated to some fun art, that is for sure.
What are YOU guys wearing?"
Well we never! The required seriousness! The aplomb! Our sister Kate is getting married on May 6 and we certainly take it very seriously and will be internally assessing the appropriateness of all guests' attire. This (above) is what our Aunt Toddy should wear. Note that we've even provided a variety of options: a tea-length strapless number is fuscia silk, a gorgeous puffy-sleeved blouse (must be extravagant to make up for trousers) over light wool, specked trousers, or an Auntie Mame suit with fabulous hat. Feel free vote for your favorite in the comments section. God, we are such girls today. Antidote link: here.
Seriously,
Jeepers
posted by Jeepers at 11:53 AM
4 Comments:
Dear Jeepers,
Thanks for your quick reply. However, I'm afraid the sexy & slim option won't work because I am neither. As for the pants/puffy-sleeve blouse option....the only positive thing about that suggestion is that the puffy sleeves might minimize the width of my hips. As for "The Aunt"...well that has about as friendly a ring to it as "The Mother-in-Law." You might as well call it the "Queen Elizabeth II" option (the women, not the ship, although I suppose both would work). Please don't take offense. I'm sure you meant well, but I'm afraid you'll have to go back to the drawing board. My problem IS a difficult one, I agree! I don't seem to fall into any fashion niche. I'm just that bland woman of a certain age who has spent far too many years wearing only practical, comfortable clothes--the veritable death knell to sexiness. If I haven't offended you too much, perhaps you could have the generosity of spirit to provide a few more suggestions. (I need to camouflage the fact that my body is shaped a bit like a refridgerator...the illusion of a waist would be nice.)
We can't help you as long as you are in denial. You are skinny. Admit it, in writing, and we will provide further outfit illustrations. xo
J
Look around you Aunt Toddy, and The Aunt should get some perspective, please. You are not bland (remember the dance with the stranger in the restuarant in Paris?) Haven't you ever watched fashion makeovers on TV? Be daring, be dramatic, but still be comfortable. Do the hair in spikes and curls to texturize and throw some glitter on it. Do a long skirt and short lacy blouse and flat ballet slippers.
A word to "Mother of the Bride,"
Your fashion suggestions conjured up a fairly frightening image in my mind. (I would challenge Jeepers to draw your suggestions!) Let's see....hair that is both spiked AND curled (Shirley Temple meets Courtney Love). Oh, and don't forget THE GLITTER (Jeez, I wonder if I have any left over in MT's toddler arts & craft box....). A long skirt....well that could be anything. Now, with that short lacey blouse, just how much midriff should I expose? And I'm not so sure ballet flats are so great with long skirts. Clinton and Stacey always preach that heels lengthen the leg and provide an overall more-slender silhouette. As for Paris, elderly drunk Parisian men will dance with ANYbody!
As for you....I'm sure you'll look maaaahvelous. I know NOT to expect you to wear one of those rectangular-shaped suits in pastel blue and with beading sewn on...AND...with chaste pumps, dyed to match. I'm sure you'll show up looking as though you just went on a fabulous shopping spree in le Marais (don'tcha wish!).
the aunt
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