Black is the New Color

Dear Jeepers:

Why are ALL the couture lines completely colorless this year? Even Old Navy is now advertising a new line of colorless, beige clothes. Personally, I look best in bright colors like true red and royal purple. What should I do?

Not drab in Detroit


Dear Detroit,

Fashion is our own damn fault. When jackets get all military, it usually means (the fashion anthropologists say) that we civilians feel guilty for not helping out on the front lines. Headbands denote a kiss-ass relationship to government ("See, my forehead's clean and my eyes are in plain sight!") And t-shirts with words on them are a cry for some human contact for the love of god.

Maybe the gray and black you mention means that we're collectively depressed. No, that's not it. What it means is that we don't want to be caught red-handed TRYING TOO HARD. Since the silhouettes this season are a bit preposterous (bubble skirts, miniskirts, tunics, frayed edges, military boyish meets horsey slut first skipper),the colors had to be subdued, otherwise people would be walking around looking like Pippi Longstockings (of the New England Longstockings). This is Jeepers' theory, anyhow.

If you insist on bright colors, keep your lines simple (to stay current), otherwise, wear whatever you want, darling. (Duh.)

Here's a dress we doodled recently, in all grey. Later, we'll recolor it brightly, just for you, Not Drab. You decide which version you'd rather wear to a firing range.

Love,
Jeepers