Thursday, March 23, 2006

Visiting New York

Dear Jeepers:

I'm from Iowa and am planning a week-long visit to New York, starting this weekend. Can you suggest some outfits. I don't want to look like I'm a tourist from Iowa.

Carolyn V.

Dear Carolyn,

Why don't you want to look like a tourist from Iowa? We have recently discovered that there is no such thing as disguise. While you may be able to manage the look of a well-dressed tourist from Iowa who has made the effort to be stylish on NYC terms, you will never manage to look like a visitor from Georgia who has recently kicked a meth habit and is here to see her cousin. You could only achieve the look of a visitor from Iowa trying to look like a recovering addict visitor from Georgia here to see her cousin. See?

Anyhoo, here are some suggestions: Long shorts, tight short jackets, dark jeans, punk rock accents like ratty vests or neon earrings, flat round-toed shoes, crazy color combinations but with an overall muted palette. Avoid University of Iowa sweatshirts and white running shoes.

(By the way, we are loving very short, messy hair lately. It hasn't caught on yet, except among middle-aged women everywhere, but we think it's the next big thing, despite Vogue magazine's recent big feature on long tresses.) We are all so tired of struggling constantly to be pretty pretty pretty. Fuck you, you know? So, this very second, we think short-short boy cuts with a bright mouth and a bare left shoulder is HOT.)

Wishing you a wonderful stay,


Blogger TP said...

I'm with you on that one Jeepers, short-short boy hair is the way forward, this very second. However, I'm too much of a wuss. Instead I model a chin length curly hay-stack. I spend no time on it, thus it takes no effort, though you can tell...

4:53 AM  
Blogger Jeepers said...

Dearest tp,
We, too, are wusses! We know we should chop off our way-beyond-shoulder-length mop and go short, but we're afraid we would look like a chubby boy and regret it for the seven years it would take to grow the tresses back. So the plan is: get really skinny first, then go to The Chair.

8:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please, please show us this messy short boy cut hair? My hair is short-ish and I may be willing to take the plunge, but I need to see it first.

5:32 PM  
Blogger Jeepers said...

anonymous (that is such a common name these days!), we will certainly provide you with some examples of good messy boy cuts in the next few days! Until then, hold your horses! Don't be like our mama, who simply couldn't wait even two weeks until her visit to a NYC salon, and went and got her hair chopped in Texas on a business trip.

5:25 PM  
Anonymous mama said...

Well, honey
This Mama didn't get a hair cut in Texas on a business trip. A little pedicure, but so what?
Mama had to have it cut at a West Virginia salon because Mama had screwed everything by too many little swipes with sissors and thinning shears. And today, Mama is blonder than she was yesterday. Yes, she wishes she had been able to wait 2 weeks for NYC salons, but sometimes those $500 haircuts and $150 foils don't look much better than the $35 West Virginia cut. And the cut only lasts for 3 weeks anyway.

7:44 PM  

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