Get Your Ducks in a Row, Jobseekers

Dear Jeepers:

What's your take on solids versus patterns? I have a bunch of interviews coming up, and my sister says I absolutely must wear solids. In fact, she says I have to wear a black skirt suit with a blue shirt underneath and a conservative necklace. I've argued with her about this, and she says: "What the hell, Claire? This is not the time for you to express your inner Pucci. Wear the black suit, get the job, and then go to work every day in a paisley jumpsuit, for all I care." Do you agree with her?

Just wondering,
Solid in St. Louis



Dear St. Louis:

You are staying at your sister's apartment, right? Sleeping on her sofa while you job hunt? Although we sympathize with your sister's frustration (stop drinking milk straight from the carton, put your drum kit in storage, and for godssake get control of your ferrets), you are correct, and she is dead wrong. If a little pattern on your blouse leads a prospective employer to suspect you of being an embezzler, you don't want to work there anyhow.

Do you watch Project Runway? When whatshername was eliminated in the ballgown competition, the episode where everyone made boring, shiny, solid dresses? Someone should have designed a cotton corduroy dress with a printed shirtwaist top! Or a pale peach denim gown with a vast, bell-shaped skirt and black embroidery! Or, a most elegant black satin dress in a 1940's Dior sillouette, covered in a smattering of pink and yellow rubber duckie print. Doo-dads and gewgaws, people! That's how you get ahead in this world. Auntie Mame meets geranimals.

Oh, by the way, what jobs are you applying for? Food co-op manager, double agent, or French professor? Not that it makes that much difference...

Wishing you good luck and the wisdom to realize that "freelancing" is the way to go (We are freelancers, and we wear mostly wifebeaters!),

Jeepers