Monday, December 19, 2005

Travel Tips

"What am I supposed to do? Just buy a brand new handgun when I get to Columbus?"




Dear Jeepers:

What do you suggest wearing
on an airplane?
Signed,
"Flying home for Christmas"



Dear Flying,
Jewelry with sharp edges, fur,
a lot of perfume, pointy boots with
steel-enforced toes, delicate hosiery,
linen blouse, short-shorts.
Happy holidays,
Jeepers

3 Comments:

Blogger missy-j said...

haha, that would make me so uncomfortable.

my favourite travel accessory is a pair of flip flops. easy to take off during check points, so comfy and you can slip them off on your seat anytime!

8:17 AM  
Blogger Jeepers said...

Dear Missy-J:
We know your type well. You're the type who pads through the airport with an iPod in your hoodie pocket, a fresh coat of glossy pink polish on your soft little toes, and Teddy Graham cookies neatly packed in a ziplock baggie in your carryon. To you, an airplane is like your living room and the flight attendants remind you of the girls who do your facials. You wear your long hair in a ponytail.

We are a different type. For us, the taking off of our shoes at the checkpoints is a moment of humiliation, exposing our ashy, long-nailed toes with the chipped red nail polish. Our luggage usually gets lost and we are most times seated next to unaccompanied minors who force us to read them stupid picture books or make childish small talk about their favorite animated movies, all the dialogue of which they've conveniently memorized and, with little provocation, will recite to us in full. We only wear flip flops to beaches on the Riviera.

Have a Wonderful trip home for the holidays, dear! If we see you at JFK, we'll say toodaloo.

Yrs,
J

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

URGENT: TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH JEEPERS. LEFT MESSAGE ON MARSHALL'S CELL. ALL OK BUT NEED A TUTOR ASAP. PLEASE CALL THE CHRISTMAS COOKIE FRIEND.

10:46 PM  

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