Dear Jeepers:
Last year I spent nearly $2,000 on Christmas presents, so this year I want to make all my presents for people by hand, inexpensively. I can't weave baskets, I can't sew, I can't draw...what can I make? Also, what should I wear to my parent's annual holiday party, which last year ended with a fist fight in the kitchen between two old men over some real or imagined insult to one of the caterers? My mother, who is very thin and beautiful, told me last year: "You look like a flight attendant in that dress."

Thanks,
Veronica Bruce

Dear Ms. Bruce:
If your mother was referring to a Jet Blue or USAir-type flight attendant of contemporary times, then we can't really see how her remark was all that insulting. It's just as if she had said, "You look mildly attractive, although not truly hot."

Darling, you can weave baskets, you can sew, and you can draw. Get some straw, thread, and paints and sit down and do it!

Other handmade gift ideas: faces, animals, or beautiful patterns carved into Ivory soap. (Our mother still has three soap faces, carved by our great-grandmother, framed behind glass.) Ginger bread. Homemade perfume (made with vanilla, crushed flowers, cinnamon, etc.). An illustrated family tree. Hand-sewn purses. Hand-forged autos. Homebuilt computer equipment. Homebrewed antibiotics. Personalized advice booklets. Coupons for nonexistent services.

We're really getting in the holiday spirit over here! We hope you are too!

Yrs,
Jeepers