Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Your Shopping List

Dear Jeepers:

I won the Mega Millions lottery! More than $200 million! After taxes, I figure I'll have at least $40 thousand left over. Since I've always said, "If I win the lottery, I'm going to get all new clothes!" I came straight to you. What's in?

Rich, rich, rich in Ohio


Dear Ohio:

Unfortunately, you've found your fortune at the very moment when the New Spartanism has come into vogue. The best looks today embody the spirit of a Peace Corps volunteer taking her four-day vacation on a walking tour of Morocco. She's tan, slim, she packs light, she loves cotton, and she's beginning to hate the vulgar consumerism of her homeland and hoping to trade it in for a more ascetic aesthetic. Lucky for you, this look can be achieved by spending tons of dough. Basically, buy lots of tan, dove gray, black, and faded blue stuff.

No, we aren't really telling the whole truth. The best looks this very second are not confined to the Peace Corps pose: Also huge is a look that embodies the spirit of a wood sprite heiress visiting Venice in the 1890's: To her, there is no such thing as too blousy, too silky, too bejeweled, too silly, too fabulous. All we're saying is that it takes very thin legs to carry this off.

So, if you only buy 18 things today, make it these 18.

1) Gumball jewelry (fun, gorgeous, slightly African, makes you look edible)
2) White, slim (but not tight) trousers, with or without cuff
3) A little shirt dress in cotton
4) A comfortable your-skin-tone bra and panties
5) Blush and lipstick in a bright, delicious color
6) A trashcan to get rid of almost all the clothing in your closet
7) A madras or otherwise funky, colorful pencil skirt to wear with black t-shirt (A note: in searching for such a skirt, we encountered what might be the first-ever padded skirt! Because women demand to look look puffier down there.)
8) A t-shirt featuring a message of your own composition
9) A light colored, neutral bag with pockets
10) A black, cotton or silk, bubble skirt to wear with barely-there sandals
11) flat flats
12) A thick headband
13) A babydoll dress
14) A chow chow
15) flip flops
16) A spiralbound notebook for recording funny things you and friends say to each other
17) Wedge espidrilles
18) Real silk stockings (WWII is over!), sheer

6 Comments:

Blogger zp said...

it's been ages since i've trusted anyone not actually in the store with me, thrusting the clothes in my face (thanks, friends), to influence my wardrobe. but damned if i didn't read this, take a look around and buy myself a somewhat funky, colorful, slim skirt.

2:59 PM  
Blogger Jeepers said...

zp,
We are surprised and delighted to hear it! (Surprised because we thought you were a man, delighted because we live for influencing dress.) And slim skirts look so good with such a wide variety of footwear: chunky heels, wedges, ballet flats (if you're slim), strappy sandals, and stillettos, too. Now, when are you going to follow some of our other advice and start wearing more blush? xo
Jeepers

3:11 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

With $40,000 to spend only on clothes I'd be A LOT more than 18 things...but then again, I am a shopper of the Target and Kohl's variety.

Are you sure you still want that link?:)

12:07 AM  
Blogger Jeepers said...

Janet of The Art of Getting By,
The lottery winner shouldn't spend all her money on clothes; she needs to feed her family and buy medicines and stuff. (For discount shopping, what about Marshalls? We love Marshalls, too.)

Yes, we'd still like that link!!

Love,
Jeepers

9:28 AM  
Blogger Janet said...

I've never been a huge Marshall fan either. Like searching for a needle in a haystack, though it is entirely possible to find that needle.

The link has been added!

6:04 AM  
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