Thursday, September 29, 2005

To a Birthday Party

Dear Jeepers,
I'm going to THE party of the year - Henry Hopmann's First Birthday party. A first birthday only comes once in a lifetime - and I have NO idea what to wear!


Dear Partygoer,
Please forgive our extreme tardiness in replying to your query. Henry is probably a sexually active tax attorney by now.

But, for all the children's birthday parties in your future, keep this v. puffy-sleeved blouse in mind. We like puffy sleeves so much this year, and have mentioned them in so many previous posts, that we might as well rename this website, were that not already taken*. Anyhoo, dress for the child (colorful, strange, magical), and for the mama and papa, who will only be flattered and delighted if you show up a tad overdressed.

Whenever we are lucky enough to get an invitation to a child's party, we like to arrive bearing inappropriate gifts, like rice cookers, embroidered hand towels, or a delicate first-edition 19th-century novels. The ensuing flutter of confusion is nice, and then it dawns on Mom: The gift is not for her chubby little darling, it's for her! Did you really expect Jeepers to set foot in a toy store?


* is actually still an available url.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Jeepers,
I am befuddled by the posters quandry. Here are my concerns:
1. A one year old's party is considered "the party of the year?"
2. You are supposed to HAVE parties for one year olds?
3. Puffy sleeves are REALLY in? (YES!)

All of these expectations are making me wonder if I have failed my 14 month old twins M and S. They got their picture taken with a piece of cake and a party hat. Your thoughts?
Should I blame my parents? Specifically my Dad and Step-Mom? *hee*
Perplexed Mom

11:41 AM  
Blogger Jeepers said...

Dear Perplexed Mom,
Yes, children's birthday parties most certainly can be the "parties of the year." Case in point, Tyler Swanson's first birthday party was attended by hundreds (including the conservative pundit William Kristol) and featured a fashion show of couture baby clothes, modeled by v. adorable, fat Chinese baby models, many of whom did a sort of speed-crawl down the runway, where a phalanx of specially trained nannies were waiting to snatch them off the stage and whisk them back to the Green Room for wardrobe and diaper changes.

We also once attended a party for a one-year-old which cost over $30,000. The Talking Heads played live and the food was all pink white chocolate molded into the shapes of other foods--drumsticks, crab apples, mini-bunches of grapes, little pizzas. We gorged ourself and to this day feel like vomiting whenever we see white chocolate or hear The Talking Heads.

Have you failed your young twins? Not really. You still have time to make it up to them. Start planning their second birthday now. Consider enlisting your step-mother's help. (If her own children have as yet failed to produce grandchildren, she may be inordinately fond of your babies and gush about them all the time on the phone and send large emails around with their photographs attached and say things like "They are, by far, the cutest babies that ever lived," seemingly forgetting the babyhood cuteness of her own children.)

Decide on a budget, book a venue, investigate entertainment options, ponder your guest list, and invest in a very good digital camera. Tell us how it goes and send pictures!


1:50 PM  

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